EsotericErin

Author: EsotericErin

  • 9 Sensational Archetypes

    9 Sensational Archetypes

    I have been in possession of 3 decks designed by Kim Krans for a while now because I love the imagery but haven’t been ready to use them until recently. There’s a quality of starkness to them, a no-nonsense feeling, that I wasn’t prepared to face. They’ve been calling to me lately, so I’m dipping my toe in to really get to know them. This post is specifically about the Wild Unknown Archetypes deck. I won’t touch on every single card because that would make for a long read; I’m going to write about some of the cards I had the most dramatic or surprising reaction to.

    The Orphan

    The imagery of this archetype makes me profoundly sad. In the very first card in the deck (The Mother), the snake seems coiled protectively around the egg/seed/pearl, but it is looser in the picture. That, combined with the little hand grasping for something it cannot reach, breaks my heart. This is a card signalling the need for compassion and welcoming acceptance of the whole, no matter how broken it appears.

    The Hunter & The Warrior

    These archetypes initially seemed extremely like each other to me in concept, so I had difficulty discerning why I had a more negative reaction to The Hunter until I read Kim’s meanings in the book. To me, The Warrior is more primal, it’s something less controllable, instinct from the lizard brain whereas The Hunter is more in line with “civilized society”. So, when I contemplate the idea they both participate in activities that end in death, I find it more frightening to think of the bringer of death presenting as someone innocuous.

    The Comic

    The black and white human eyes peering out from the ginger cat’s face spooked me. In addition to the cracks and splits in the face, those made the word “façade” spring to mind. I saw Robin Williams in my mind’s eye—someone who is hurting internally while externally committed to making others happy. By no means do I think everyone who appears jovial or wants to make others happy is depressed, but it’s a convenient mask.

    The Empty Room & The Castle

    Anyone who has ever walked past a jewellery store with me will tell you I’m a self-proclaimed magpie. It hardly came as a surprise to me to feel an affinity for The Castle and just as expected for me to experience apprehension when faced with The Empty Room. I don’t like being anywhere all by myself for an indefinite period. Being comfortable with aloneness without succumbing to loneliness is something I’m sitting with and working on.

    Kairos

    The amount of peace I experienced while looking at the Kairos archetype card was surprising. Time is a concept I’ve sometimes struggled with externally (it took me an embarrassingly long time to competently read an analogue clock) and internally (constantly ruminating over the past or worrying over the future as opposed to living in the present). Still, I feel I’ve come into temporal synchronicity in the past year or so, which helps me resonate with this card now.

    The Seed & The Stone

    For me, the emotions I experience when studying the images for these archetypes are two sides of the same coin. In the Seed archetype, we see the beginning and almost unlimited potential. In the face of unlimited potential, I freeze up—“If I have no ceiling for what I’m capable of, how will I know when I’ve reached where I need or want to be? How will I know I’m not just settling?”—and the potential can feel wasted before it’s even been tapped into. Eternity is offered by the Stone archetype and I am thrust into a crisis of worthiness. What can I offer that deserves to last forever?

    I reflected on time when I wrote about the impact the Kairos archetype had on me, which was vastly different from the emotions these cards stirred in me. Then I realized Kairos is bigger than just me. It’s everyone in all of time; while these archetypes are more personal, they’re tools that I have to rely on myself to use and use properly.

    No one is one single archetype, and it’s okay to be uncomfortable with archetypes you want to embrace more. I also highly recommend figuring out which archetypes you don’t want to embrace, or the ones you want to moderate within yourself. Possessions won’t make me less alone when no one else is home and they certainly won’t help me feel less lonely, but that doesn’t mean I can’t embrace the Castle archetype when presented with a sparkly necklace from my husband.

  • A Year in Review and A Year in Preview

    A Year in Review and A Year in Preview

    Happy New Year!

    I’m sure most of us are glad to see the other end of 2020, but it’s not as though all the world’s problems disappeared at midnight because the calendar page flipped. For my part, I want to take more responsibility for myself and my place in the world and encourage others to do the same. I bought myself the Biddy Tarot Planner for 2021 and used the spread suggested to close one year and open the next.

    While I was performing this exercise, I followed the advice in the Planner and sat with each question and answered for myself. I then drew all eight cards and interpreted them intuitively. When I read tarot, I usually read Reversed cards with different implications than their Upright counterparts; the number of Reversed cards that came up in this reading indicated that internal work was done and needed doing, which makes sense given the introspection and realigning I did this year. Here’s my “Review and Preview!”

    Review

    What were my biggest achievements in 2020?

    XXI The World (Upright)

    • Not only did the isolation I experienced not crush me mentally, but there were also actually times I felt my mental and emotional health was better than before these events.
    • I realized that, despite the anxiety and depression that have been near-constant companions to me in my life, I’m an optimist, but I know not every situation will work out for the best for everyone.
    • My take on priorities has shifted. I still accept people aren’t required to have the same (or even similar) views, but I understand better now that not everyone will approach differing points of view with respect or open-mindedness.

    What were my biggest challenges in 2020?

    6 of Wands (Reversed)

    • Coming to terms with my views of “We’re all in this together” directly conflicting with others seeing scenarios as “Us versus Them.”
    • Returning to my retail job and being confronted with hostility or outright aggression while trying to keep everyone safe and healthy. It was more difficult than I had anticipated.

    How did I develop as a person in 2020?

    7 of Swords (Reversed)

    I feel the biggest way I’ve developed as a person was accepting not everything needs to be compared in intensity, but I can work to fix issues where I see too much disparity. The fact that the wealthiest people in the world earned over $1 trillion while others lost jobs or homes, or worked dangerous jobs for not enough compensation, or were told any number of trite phrases by individuals totally out of touch with the experiences of the people they were discussing was appalling.

    How does this relate to the 7 of Swords (Reversed)?

    I’m going to be vocal about how much this upsets me! It’s not going to come from Erin in her ivory tower, who passes judgements while allowing others to bear the brunt of making changes. I may not have made a fortune during 2020, but I was certainly fortunate, and I can use that to help others. Working with others is important, too. Not only does the man in the card look smug, but he’s also acting alone. Getting all the glory and riches from his get-rich-quick heist will work for him by himself; we need a way for everyone to benefit from hard work.

    What did I learn in 2020?

    2 of Cups (Reversed)

    There’s more emotional friction right under the surface than is often acknowledged. Pasting a smile over seething rage isn’t healthy or sustainable.

    How would I describe 2020 in three words?

    Page of Swords (Reversed)

    ☼ eye-opening                                     ☼ disconnected                                    ☼ extreme

    Preview

    What aspects of 2020 can I leave behind?

    3 of Cups (Upright)

    My interpretation of this card may not fall in line with many books you’ll read, but this is where my intuition stepped in and tapped me on the head. When I looked at this picture, I felt like a spectator. I didn’t feel myself in the image at all. It truly felt like the card was a pane of glass, and I was looking at something I desperately wanted but couldn’t reach through the barrier. I need to leave behind my resentment of what I feel I don’t have, the fear of going for it, which leads to apathy and lack of action, and behaving like a bystander to my own life. I want to connect with the people and causes I care about and actively support them.

    What aspects of 2020 can I bring with me into 2021?

    2 of Wands (Upright)

    For 2021 I want to bring with me this momentum for wanting to effect change. I want to be resilient when things don’t immediately work out or I don’t receive instant gratification for my efforts. The focus needs to be on the importance of these issues changing properly, not always on my timeline.

    What new seeds and opportunities are being planted?

    King of Wands (Reversed)

    This is another card that tells me my heart and imagination are going faster than things will happen. I want the world to change for me, my family, and the world, but I can’t march in and say, “This is how things are now because I said so,” and everything will be exactly how I want it. Long-lasting change will need to be built on firm foundations, but the foundations need to be completed first. Don’t flame out!

    To sum it all up…

    Let’s be kind to each other and make 2021 a step to the future we want to see!

  • Happy New Year!

    Happy New Year!

    So, the title may be both slightly premature and optimistic, but I’m wanting and needing a new perspective.

    After I graduated, this month lost its significance in my life. It still doesn’t have quite the same impact as it once did because my child isn’t in the school system yet, however, this could be the year to change that. I’ve been giving it thought lately to restore its significance to my mind.

    I lived for back-to-school shopping; the feeling of writing on a fresh page of a brand new notebook remains one of the most satisfying sensations for me. It got to a point, honestly, where I was loath to use a scribbler more than three quarters because the feeling just wasn’t the same. The start of a new school year seemed like writing in a new book.

    With the current state of the world and how it’s impacted my life, the days (and weeks, and months) run together. I’ve gone through phases I know I’m not the only one to experience.

    1. Oh my gosh, the world is shutting down, and I have no idea what is going to happen! (This one is also a pervasive undercurrent for all phases…)
    2. Free time! I have so much free time to learn a new language/skill, implement a new routine, get on top of all the things I’ve been letting slide forever! Plus, so much family time!
    3. I want to do nothing. Nothing has changed, and it’s been so long (But has it? What even is time?), and I want to go out!
    4. I need to do something–anything! Look, I understand I’m in an extremely privileged position compared to a lot of people, but I’m getting cabin fever. Knowing both those things is causing me so much guilt and makes me feel apathetic.

    I’ve been cycling through those phases since March. Sometimes it’s one more than the others and sometimes i’s all of them in equal measure at once. By now, I’m so over myself that I’m going to focus on September 2020 being my new notebook and using my tarot cards as my favourite pen.

    selective focus photography of several people cheering wine glasses
    Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

    I did a reading for myself asking what I should lose, what I should hold onto, and what I should bring into my life in September. It gave me some really helpful insight for my life. The biggest takeaway for me was the lack of Swords and Cups cards. This tells me I need to untangle my head and my heart, get out of my own way, and just take action.

    Let me know if September is going to be your new notebook (or your metaphor of choice) and what you’re going to put into action!

  • EsotericErin’s Tantalizing Refresh: EsotericErin 2.0

    EsotericErin’s Tantalizing Refresh: EsotericErin 2.0

    EsotericErin is getting a bit of a refresh. If you haven’t been here in a bit (first of all, welcome to the club), I hope you will be delightfully surprised. If you haven’t been here before, the website always looked this good, but you can make up for lost time right now!

    My goal in scrapping previously posted blog entries is to make this website truer to myself and the image I want to stamp on my services. I feel like so many of my earlier posts were impersonal; it’s curious to me how sterile I managed to make my vulnerability. While the kernel of how I see or saw individual cards was genuine, the pieces of writing I produced seem too detached from my feelings and warmth.

    I know right now we’re all going through a frightening time, and I’d hate to look back on this and regret not being authentic to myself. Sincerity is what I want to bring to the table, and where better to start than here?

    Initially, EsotericErin was for me to grow my knowledge of tarot, astrology, and more. I’ve recently realized that if I were to have my way, I’d be forever dragging my feet without committing to a path. Not only would I be reluctant to declare myself as a Tarot Reader to others’ eyes for fear of being judged “not enough,” but I would also be depriving myself of owning my intuition.

    This is the first picture I associated with the idea of EsotericErin. The blog had begun about 18 months prior, but this was my baby step to what I saw as professionalism. By just looking at this image now, I feel it was a facade, my way of personifying what I thought other people were expecting. The problem is that it’s not exactly true to who I am or the image to which I want to be faithful.

    Maybe the person depicted here is who people immediately associate with a professional tarot reader, but when I examine the picture, I know I’m hiding in it. I’m hiding behind a filter to lighten my ruddy complexion, hiding my personalized clothing by sticking with a safe black blouse, and hiding my eyes—the windows to the soul.

    I’m not passing judgement on this picture, or the Erin who orchestrated this picture. It’s okay to make a misstep, it’s okay to continue looking for something you’re unable to define, and it’s okay to realign yourself to what you feel is your most authentic self. No one can be expected to be the identical person at the end of a lifetime they were at the beginning of that lifetime. When I was a child, I had to have my nightlight at bedtime, but now I need blackout curtains and a mask to keep out light while I sleep.

    While my example of feeling like I chose the wrong picture for my website may seem trivial compared to other mistakes, I genuinely believe there is a learning experience to be had from many mistakes. Acknowledging an error and being willing even to try to rectify it, is commendable. Anyone expecting constant infallibility from anyone else does everyone a disservice.

    When prompted to explain why I want to read tarot for people, my most sincere answer is “I want people to feel better”. I may sound naive, but I don’t think I am. There are no quick fixes in the Universe worth the breath used to share them, I know that; however, I try to avoid absolutes in my interpretations of the cards because nothing I see is 100% going to come to pass. You’ve made mistakes and you’re going to make mistakes in the future. I want to help you make better mistakes.

  • Musings and a bit of a Plug

    Happy Thursday!

    I admit it, I’ve been absent. There’s a part in “Harry Potter” where Dumbledore asks Harry if he ever feels as though he has too many thoughts in his head and Harry doesn’t understand. I don’t understand how Harry doesn’t understand. It feels like there are constantly too many thoughts, or feelings, or possibilities running through my mind. I don’t like using the word normal because it’s an adjective that feels too vague and too narrow at the same time. Who defines normal? Is normal subjective? What word should I use instead, though? So, to me, feeling like I have too much going on in my head is how I usually feel and I guess I’ve never given the concept of not dealing with that much thought because I didn’t realise it’s something people experience. When I feel this way it’s very easy for me to withdraw into myself and dwell on things that aren’t the way I would like them to be. Sometimes, too, I find focussing on one thing (that may not actually be as pressing as other items) is an act of avoidance in itself.

    Another big issue of mine is that I don’t trust myself. This has been one of my biggest hurdles in my esoteric studies because so much of reading tarot is trusting your intuition. For so long I relied on books about tarot that were filled with the meanings of the cards according to the author. The problem with that approach was these interpretations were based on others’ experiences with the cards. While there are certain elements that remain consistent (or at least similar) across decks and it can be helpful to understand why those images were used in the first place, no one lives the exact same life in the exact same way.

    I’ve previously posted about the 4 of Swords—to many people this card indicates a rest, but when I pull this card from some decks I feel almost a false sense of security. This interpretation for myself comes from my distaste for being left alone with my thoughts. Swords is the Air suit so it pertains to the mental realm. When I’m by myself, my mind races which is why I’m usually doing something to keep myself occupied. Even as I write this, I have the television on in the background.

    My birthday was about 3 weeks ago. I love the date of my birthday if that makes any sense. June 21st is often recognised as the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year and the one with the most hours of daylight. This puts me directly on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer (Mutable Air and Cardinal Water) and, while I know there’s more to a natal chart than just a Sun sign, I feel I have traits of both. If you were to draw up a natal chart for my date/time/place of birth, it would tell you I’m a Gemini because the transit of the Sun from Gemini into Cancer had not yet occurred, but I really feel like both.

    Where I’m going with this talk about Sun signs is my feelings about the suit of Swords; sometimes it’s as though I’m almost afraid of them. When I think about the pictures on the Rider Smith Waite deck (arguably the most famous deck and template for myriad others), there are only two or three cards, excluding the Court cards, I don’t feel anxious drawing. The two definite ones are the Ace and 6 while the 4 is one I’m still trying to come to terms with for my own sake. The Ace of Swords speaks to me of the potential of a new idea before putting it into action on the material plane—you’re hopeful and you don’t have to worry about annoying little things like the laws of physics or financial logistics. On the other hand, when I see the 6, I feel the alleviation of burdens—moving from choppy waters into smooth sailing.

    We all have different takes on what we see in the cards shaped by life events. I’ve heard a number of people have difficulties with The Hierophant because not everyone has positive associations with organised religion or other institutions. Others who have strong feelings about government or, in the broader sense, the patriarchy may take exception to The Emperor because it can often symbolise authority figures who may traditionally have been male.

    Having a mental connection to a card that is unique to me isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s what will make a reading with me different from a reading with anyone else. I simply worry that the relationship I have with a card or specific image may impact the message I’m interpreting for someone. That’s when I get the Querent to tell me what they see or feel when looking at the card.

    Just in case I don’t post again before Saturday, I will be at an event in Tweed, Ontario, that day with a number of other readers, artisans, and vendors. If you’re in the area you should drop by!

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Am I a Professional Now?

    For some reason I have been putting off writing this post. I’m not sure why, but it keeps being moved down my to-do list and not being crossed off. There’s nothing I’m dreading about this—in fact I feel it’s going to be a very positive piece—it just hasn’t been written. Here we go!

    January 26 (a Saturday) I went to another psychic fair like the one I participated in in October. If you don’t remember or know how that one worked out you should read my post about it and how dejected I was feeling afterwards. I had a mixture of hope and fear for this second fair because I had hope with there being be fewer readers possibly helping me attract more clients tempered by remembering just how badly I felt the first one went. I had already paid for my table at the fair and, since I was more familiar with other people working the fair this time, I went and figured it would simply be another learning experience. It was a learning experience for sure! I had double the amount of paying customers I had the first time which was nice even though it was only four. But I feel as though the clients were the lesson versus the whole event.

    My first Querent was kind of a drag honestly, and a terrible way to start the day. She paid me for the reading and proceeded to sit across the table from me with her arms crossed and her lips zipped. I do not claim to be anything I don’t feel I am because I hate the idea of overpromising and underdelivering which means I usually start a reading with a bit of a spiel cum disclaimer where I say I am not a medium or a mind reader, and that I like to have a discussion with the people I’m reading for so I can give more relevant information. She wanted to tell me nothing and just see what I was able to come up with. I can tell you I came up with very little. I felt as though I was throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something would stick. It didn’t feel great and I was even thinking about giving her a refund because she said nothing was resonating with her. I wrapped up the reading and as I was about to offer her her money back she said “I don’t believe in this anyway.” In that moment I decided not to refund her because she received what she had paid for. I don’t ask for the people I read for to take what the cards or I say as gospel, but I do expect them to come with an open mind and be receptive to the energy going into the reading even if I’m totally wrong. I will admit when I’m wrong or if I’m not feeling what I’m seeing; I will do another spread if they want or if I feel it’s necessary. But to come in with no intention of being open to what could be conveyed is disappointing and actually makes me kind of angry because you’re wasting your time and even if you have paid me I feel it’s a waste of my time. I won’t lie, when she left my table I felt very upset and probably angry (I have trouble processing the feeling of anger).

    I sat with my emotions for a little while until the gentleman who was working the table across from mine came over. He was so nice and encouraging. He said he had overheard much of my reading with the first lady and I hadn’t done anything wrong. I really appreciated his words and he paid for a reading that was more on point than the previous one.

    One of the best readings I think I’ve ever done was the next reading I performed. My client was a woman who I think was about my age and it was a super positive reading where even the cards that were more negative made sense. The final card I drew in the reading was The Star which made me smile because she was so sweet and it was nice to end the reading on a positive note.

    My final reading was not as positive, but she came with a heavy heart and I think I gave her some good insights. The reading was over the 15-20 minute guideline given, I just really wanted to help her. At the end of the reading she cried so I feel like it was a good one.

    While I was at the fair I met a couple of women who wanted someone to come read at a party on Super Bowl Sunday. I don’t care about football so I gave them a price for 4-5 half hour readings and said I would love to be a part of their festivities. I heard from them pretty quickly and they decided to book me!

    The whole experience on Sunday was amazing! I had a great time doing the readings and they fed me some delicious things. I did spend more time there than I had anticipated which I think is because I still don’t value myself and my time as being worth much. I do not regret it, though, because they were lovely.

    My biggest disappointment was with myself because I feel after I ate dinner I didn’t give myself any time to centre myself and refocus my energy. The two readings I performed after eating went fine, but I had to do them both twice. I wasn’t connecting with what the cards were trying to tell me. Both ladies were fine with it and very patient with me, I just feel bad and unprofessional.

    There you have it, the post I kept putting off writing. If you can figure out what was blocking me from putting it into words you can have a cookie.

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • New Year’s Eve Reading

    Happy New Year!

    I did a reading for my year in review. I did not create this spread, but I liked it so I used it.

    1. What can I celebrate?: King of Cups
    2. What have I conjured?: Queen of Cups, Reversed
    3. What continues?: 3 of Cups
    4. How do I find balance and expression?: Knight of Swords
    5. What am I thinking?: 9 of Cups, Reversed
    6. What is my passion?: 8 of Cups, Reversed
    7. Where am I grounded?: 2 of Wands, Reversed
    8. What have I changed?: 4 of Cups, Reversed

    The first thing I notice is the prevalence of Cups cards which I think makes a lot of sense because I’m a very emotional person, and that seeps into every aspect of my life and interactions with my surroundings. Secondly, many of the cards are Reversed; in my opinion the significance of all the Reversed cards is that I spent a lot of time looking inward this year. I’m trying to find my passion and get back to who I was or find who I could be which is a very personal path to take.

    The first card I drew was the King of Cups answering the question “What can I celebrate?” To me, the King of Cups is a sign that things I have invested my emotions in have matured. In 2017 I had a new baby and my husband and I were trying to figure out how to parent and fit in other aspects of our lives. In 2018, on the other hand, we were a little surer in our abilities to keep a tiny human alive, and we were able to see how we can be suitable partners for each other while also fulfilling parenting roles. The King of Cups is Air of Water (Kings are associated with the element of Air and Cups is the suit of Water), which brings a sort of cerebral quality to the emotions. I’m not so much detached as able to step back from emotions and bring reason to them. The Queen of Cups, Reversed, in the “What have I conjured?” position sort of brings the point from the King of Cups home. I feel as though it reinforces the idea that I can feel my emotions, but I do not have to be at their mercy. I’ve conjured a more stable, balanced viewpoint for myself.

    I have the 3 of Cups in the “What continues?” position and it’s a really positive card there. What continues for me is my support system. There are so many amazing people in my life that contribute to my wellbeing. I just know this is a reminder to cultivate those relationships and appreciate them. This concept continues with the next card because I am certain this relates to my husband (one of my staunchest supporters). The Knight of Swords is how I find balance and expression. I’ve mentioned before that I am a very emotional person. Well, my husband is very analytical; he’s logical and people definitely say he has a good head on his shoulders. Does he balance out my impulsive, emotion-driven actions and thinking? Absolutely!

    The 9 of Cups, Reversed, does reflect what I’m thinking these days. This card can be considered the wish card. I have had so many blessings bestowed on me and I am trying to be more grateful for the gifts I have been given, but all I seem to be able to focus on is the negative. It is important for me to realize the amazing things and people I have in my life and not take them for granted. My passion is represented by the 8 of Cups, Reversed, and I interpret this as needing to get back to what I love or even just looking for something I love. In the card, there is a figure walking away from the goblets, but when it’s Reversed I think it could be returning to what stokes my emotions and interest. I think the 2 of Wands, Reversed, shows me that I am grounded in the past. If this card were Upright, I feel it would show me grounded in the future like the figure on the card looking out at what may come. I don’t believe being grounded in the past is a good thing because I am stuck there a lot of the time. I don’t want to live like that which I think ties in to my interpretation of the 9 of Cups, Reversed, where I need to be more grateful for what and who I have in my life. Finally, we come to what I have changed–the 4 of Cups, Reversed. I’m trying to interpret this one, but I feel like it’s more about what I need to change rather than what I have changed. Maybe it’s my mindset that has shifted and now I just need to walk the walk because I’ve been talking the talk. Here’s hoping to a positive 2019!!!

    Peace and balance,
    Erin

  • 8 of Wands, Reversed

    I drew the 8 of Wands, Reversed, this morning to see what it could tell me about my day. The 8 of Wands can mean blockage and even marital trouble. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be a good day, but luckily it didn’t go so badly.

    Astrologically the 8 of a Wands is affiliated with Mutable Fire, the sign of Sagittarius, which happens to be the sign the Sun is in this time of year. I have difficulty with Fire signs sometimes because they seem so different from who I am. Mutable I can understand—Mutable Gemini is one of signs I’m on the cusp of—but I think Fire is so passionate and lively that it’s foreign to me.

    My day did not play out as negatively as I thought it might when I drew this Reversed card. There was no big discord between myself and my husband which was my fear. The feeling of being blocked is not a stranger to me these days so I suppose that’s what the card was picking up on.

    I’m also wondering if the card is signifying the end of my funk is near. I wonder this because 8 is near the end of the sequence of numbers in the pip cards of the tarot. Sure, I’m hoping to not feel so lost and adrift in life, but the blocked sensation leaves me with a feeling both oppressively full of despair and strangely devoid of emotion.

    Here’s hoping tomorrow brings something a little clearer to interpret and more positive.

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Reading for the Week

    Recently I’ve been having trouble connecting to things (people, activities, even possessions), but I need to start trying to connect with things that once brought me happiness or might bring me future happiness. I’m hoping by returning to the act of reading tarot cards I will rediscover the joy they used to bring me.
    Today I cast some cards for the week ahead of me. The very first thing I notice is the number of sevens in this spread—3 of 5 in the deck show up here—which makes me wonder if this could be a week where I assess, and perhaps re-calibrate, my spirituality. I feel like three sevens are meaningful in a spread devoted to the seven days of the week.
    Sunday: VII The Chariot
    Monday: 7 of Wands
    Tuesday: IX The Hermit, Reversed
    Wednesday: 9 of Pentacles
    Thursday: 2 of Wands, Reversed
    Friday: XIX The Sun, Reversed
    Saturday: 7 of Pentacles, Reversed
    Sunday’s Forecast: My first seven of the spread and it’s the Major Arcana seven; to me, this is a very good start for the week! The astrological affiliation of The Chariot is Cancer, and, if you’ve read anything else on here, you probably know my birthday is on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer. I feel very drawn to this card today and I think it’s because I’ve been withdrawing from life because I’ve been feeling unsafe in some aspects of my life lately. Crabs withdraw into their shells when they’re threatened and that’s what I’ve been doing, however The Chariot makes me think of coming home where I feel protected, but can do things that empower me. I hope Sunday brings me the knowledge that I am safe and can do what I need to do in order to repair myself.
    Monday’s Forecast: The 7 of Wands as Monday’s card makes me dread Monday a little more than I usually dread Mondays. I go to work Monday afternoon which means my daughter goes to daycare, and both of those scenarios make me more than a little nervous. Our daycare provider is lovely! I’m so glad we found her, but I feel like I’m constantly doing things that inconvenience her. I doubt there are many people who enjoy upsetting people, but it physically affects me—I get headaches, stomachaches, I am constantly close to tears, etc. I think I’m scared that one day I will push her past her tolerance with me, and then I won’t have a daycare provider, and that will lead to my not being able to go to work, and I’ll be fired. See? That’s how my mind spins out. Although, I’m not sure being fired would be the worst thing to happen to me now that I think about it. I like my job, I just find it stressful and I’m not certain how stressful a part-time job should be, you know? Anyway, the 7 of Wands makes me wonder if Monday will be a day where I butt heads with someone and I will be unprepared for it. It’s interesting to me that I’m looking at the figure’s mismatched shoes because I work at a shoe store. Hopefully I won’t end up giving someone two totally wrong shoes!
    Tuesday’s Forecast: I drew The Hermit, Reversed, for Tuesday. Maybe I should invite someone over to the house? I like The Hermit in its Upright and Reversed positions for very different reasons. Upright it’s nice to get in touch with your spirituality, but Reversed makes me think of putting yourself out there and forging relationships with other people. It builds on the message of The Chariot in that I can feel safe to get out there and be social while knowing I have somewhere secure to go back to when my energy is spent.
    Wednesday’s Forecast: The second 9 of the spread—the 9 of Pentacles. Personally, I love this card and rejoice when it comes up for me because it gives me this impression of an independent woman who can tend to her garden and her hawk and still take care of herself. I don’t think of myself as a particularly independent person. I often rely on others for help and I would rather not taking a leading role much of the time. It’s based in fear again, I know it. If I put my all into something and it fails somehow, I feel like I have failed as a person. I would like for Wednesday to bring me more confidence in myself and my actions so when I go back to work on Thursday I’m not a frightened mass of pudding.
    Thursday’s Forecast: The 2 of Wands is the card I drew for Thursday. This is another card I like, but I think I like it better Reversed in this spread. I feel as though in the Upright position it’s about waiting for something and I’m tired of feeling like I’m waiting for something. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore—is it approval? I know worrying about the future robs you of your present, and I’m always worrying about what could/will happen. However, with the Reversed appearance, I think about not waiting any longer. It makes me think things are happening, not just being anticipated. Hopefully what happens is good. *Edit to add: I’m reading about the 2 of Wands right now and rethinking my interpretation. I seem to have mixed up the Upright and Reversed meanings in my head. Which is fine–the cards can be interpreted however they strike you–I’m just wondering what it would look like if I had read the card as a delay in plans. Perhaps it would look more like going into work on Thursday and continuing to feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Not the most positive of interpretations, but maybe a more realistic one…*
    Friday’s Forecast: Another card in its Reversed position for Friday. The Sun, Reversed, has me thinking about The Moon if you can believe it. Sometimes when interpreting Reversed cards, it can be helpful to return to the lesson of the previous card which, in this case, is XVIII The Moon. I looked up what the lunar phase will be in my area on Friday and it’s the New Moon which is a perfect time to start something new and raise attractive energy. Maybe I should start something I’ve been putting off for a while. I always have high hopes for starting something new, but I usually end up putting ridiculous restrictions around it and missing the opportunity because it (or I) didn’t live up to expectations.
    Saturday’s Forecast: Here we have my final seven. The 7 of Pentacles, Reversed, is kind of a hard card for me to interpret. Often, I find myself unable to translate the expression on the gardener’s face. Is he bored? Or tired of working so hard? Or maybe he’s just standing back and allowing his crop to grow? I don’t know. If we go by a numerological interpretation of the number seven, he seems to be assessing what he has put his energy in to. But is he giving himself a passing grade or a failing one? Some keywords I have found for this card include shortsightedness and success that is limited. What kind of success am I looking for right now? If I start something Friday, of course my success will be limited… Hmmm… I’m noticing the mountains in the background of the card, maybe the success I’m looking for on Saturday will be limited because I still have the mountains to scale. Perseverance will be something to cultivate. Perseverance is not always my strong suit, but it would be good to learn.
    Looks like I have a dramatic week ahead of me (aren’t they all with me, though?), but if I remember that I am safe I can work through obstacles that come up even if the payout isn’t immediate.
    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Late Night Catharsis

    I’ve been absent and there’s no excuse. I’m probably harder on myself than you could be so just know I am giving myself a lot of grief over my not posting. This website was supposed to be a labour of love because I love tarot, I love astrology, and I love writing. One would think combining many of my loves would make me more dedicated. Joke’s on me?

    I have been studying tarot and other occult schools for over half my life. I was actually at a psychic fair this weekend where people asked me how long I had been studying the tarot. It is easily 15 years, but probably closer to 17. It made me think about how dedicated I am to this vocation if I have only just now decided to take payment for my skills. I want to put my all into it, but (as usual) I’m scared. I like reading online, by email, because it gives me time to collect my thoughts and be as confident as possible in the information I’m giving. In person, however, I start suffering from pressure of speech. I want to share my knowledge, but I’m terrified it’s not going to be good enough for the client.

    Insecurity is no stranger to me. I can’t think of many times when I have felt worthy or even just good enough. I feel as though I have to prove myself to every single person I meet. It’s important to me that people approve of me. One of the readings I did this weekend started off as a 3-card mini spread and ended up being six cards! And it was not because of the client; this was all me, me trying to show them I was worthy of their money.

    Another client I read for had me feeling super guilty about taking their money. I don’t think it was deliberate, but when they asked if all I was going to pull were the four cards I had placed on the table, I had to say yes. That interaction ate at me for a few hours.

    The pressure I feel to do all the talking in a reading is likely a common one. I want to have a conversation with the client, but I feel it’s not always what they want. Another issue I have is that I don’t consider myself “psychic”. I try to use my intuition, but I don’t see myself as someone who talks to the dead, or can read minds, or whatever else you think constitutes being psychic. I feel I’m intuitive when I work at it, but often in the heat of the moment I find myself with an empty head and shallow breathing.

    I know that is something I must work on if this is something I truly want to pursue, it’s just hard for me. I feel like the society in which I grew up tries to divorce us from our intuition and encourages us to look at rational facts, but there has to be something to a blend of those. I bought a gift for someone this past week, someone I don’t know well, and I had no idea what colours to get it in. I just let my intuition guide me and it turned out she loved it! It’s so different, though, when I’m in a store and there’s no real pressure than when I’m faced with a paying customer who wants you to show off your knowledge.

    I think I need to start meditating. I’ve been saying that for years, but I think it’s really hitting home now. I need to learn how to ground myself so I don’t end up with my deer in headlights attitude when someone sits down in front of me for a reading. I have so little Earth in my chart it doesn’t surprise me grounding is important. Ask just about anyone who knows me and they would not say I’m down-to-earth. Practicality? Not my strong suit. Emotions, though, and quick thinking? I have those down.

    I’m not saying there are certain elements in a natal (or any astrological) chart that are more or less favourable, I’m just saying I need more balance. That’s why I sign off with “peace and balance”. I wish those for everyone—including myself.

    This post is getting a little long and I’m sorry, but it’s proving to be cathartic for me.

    I started a new job a couple of weeks ago because while I love my daughter more than almost anything or anyone in the world, I couldn’t hack it as a stay-at-home mother. It was one thing when my husband was on parental leave and we could have conversations to take the edge off of looking after a tiny human all day every day, but when he went back to work, I had difficulty not going stir crazy by myself. So, I found myself a part time job at a shoe store.

    The shoe store itself is great! I really like the people I work with and I love shoes. The biggest problem I think is its location. It’s in a mall and right across the hall from a New Age-y shop. There aren’t a lot of New Age stores here so I am drawn into this one by necessity and proximity. The employees there are very nice and fairly knowledgeable, but it’s in a mall so along with the New Age-y stuff you have Disney merchandise and novelty aprons. I saw a tarot deck there I’m interested in but surely do not need.

    I’ve been thinking more about my meditation problem (is laziness a problem or character flaw?) as I’ve continued to write, and I really think it would help calm my mind if I were to use it even in a loud, crowded room. This weekend at the psychic fair it was so loud in the room I could barely think. I have no doubt it impacted my ability to do a reading. I’m not complaining, just stating a fact. I know at the last event I did found me in a room by myself reading to one persons at a time and not bothered by extraneous noise. I can’t always have a perfect environment so I have to make the environment.

    The organizer of the fair suggested for the next time I might want to bring something to sell. I don’t know what that would be, but I have until March to figure it out. Maybe tarot card talismans? I’m not craftsy (I know that is not a word, but crafty isn’t the right word), but I could start working on finding something now and perfect it before March…

    I think it’s time to call this post done.

    Peace and balance,

    Erin