I am off to the fair!

Given the pandemic our world has been battling since the beginning of last year, one of my favourite activities hasn’t been able to happen. In my current town, a group of amazingly talented and incredibly passionate individuals get together at a community centre and offer their services. I’ll be reading tarot.

There won’t be as many people participating in this fair as other fairs we’ve had, unfortunately. We also have COVID-19 protocols we’ll be following that are in line with our area’s safety guidelines. It’s so important that everyone does their best to keep themselves and others safe in these uncertain times. Please, wear your mask and get your vaxx!

Happy Thursday!

I admit it, I’ve been absent. There’s a part in “Harry Potter” where Dumbledore asks Harry if he ever feels as though he has too many thoughts in his head and Harry doesn’t understand. I don’t understand how Harry doesn’t understand. It feels like there are constantly too many thoughts, or feelings, or possibilities running through my mind. I don’t like using the word normal because it’s an adjective that feels too vague and too narrow at the same time. Who defines normal? Is normal subjective? What word should I use instead, though? So, to me, feeling like I have too much going on in my head is how I usually feel and I guess I’ve never given the concept of not dealing with that much thought because I didn’t realise it’s something people experience. When I feel this way it’s very easy for me to withdraw into myself and dwell on things that aren’t the way I would like them to be. Sometimes, too, I find focussing on one thing (that may not actually be as pressing as other items) is an act of avoidance in itself.

Another big issue of mine is that I don’t trust myself. This has been one of my biggest hurdles in my esoteric studies because so much of reading tarot is trusting your intuition. For so long I relied on books about tarot that were filled with the meanings of the cards according to the author. The problem with that approach was these interpretations were based on others’ experiences with the cards. While there are certain elements that remain consistent (or at least similar) across decks and it can be helpful to understand why those images were used in the first place, no one lives the exact same life in the exact same way.

I’ve previously posted about the 4 of Swords—to many people this card indicates a rest, but when I pull this card from some decks I feel almost a false sense of security. This interpretation for myself comes from my distaste for being left alone with my thoughts. Swords is the Air suit so it pertains to the mental realm. When I’m by myself, my mind races which is why I’m usually doing something to keep myself occupied. Even as I write this, I have the television on in the background.

My birthday was about 3 weeks ago. I love the date of my birthday if that makes any sense. June 21st is often recognised as the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year and the one with the most hours of daylight. This puts me directly on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer (Mutable Air and Cardinal Water) and, while I know there’s more to a natal chart than just a Sun sign, I feel I have traits of both. If you were to draw up a natal chart for my date/time/place of birth, it would tell you I’m a Gemini because the transit of the Sun from Gemini into Cancer had not yet occurred, but I really feel like both.

Where I’m going with this talk about Sun signs is my feelings about the suit of Swords; sometimes it’s as though I’m almost afraid of them. When I think about the pictures on the Rider Smith Waite deck (arguably the most famous deck and template for myriad others), there are only two or three cards, excluding the Court cards, I don’t feel anxious drawing. The two definite ones are the Ace and 6 while the 4 is one I’m still trying to come to terms with for my own sake. The Ace of Swords speaks to me of the potential of a new idea before putting it into action on the material plane—you’re hopeful and you don’t have to worry about annoying little things like the laws of physics or financial logistics. On the other hand, when I see the 6, I feel the alleviation of burdens—moving from choppy waters into smooth sailing.

We all have different takes on what we see in the cards shaped by life events. I’ve heard a number of people have difficulties with The Hierophant because not everyone has positive associations with organised religion or other institutions. Others who have strong feelings about government or, in the broader sense, the patriarchy may take exception to The Emperor because it can often symbolise authority figures who may traditionally have been male.

Having a mental connection to a card that is unique to me isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s what will make a reading with me different from a reading with anyone else. I simply worry that the relationship I have with a card or specific image may impact the message I’m interpreting for someone. That’s when I get the Querent to tell me what they see or feel when looking at the card.

Just in case I don’t post again before Saturday, I will be at an event in Tweed, Ontario, that day with a number of other readers, artisans, and vendors. If you’re in the area you should drop by!

Peace and balance,

Erin

For some reason I have been putting off writing this post. I’m not sure why, but it keeps being moved down my to-do list and not being crossed off. There’s nothing I’m dreading about this—in fact I feel it’s going to be a very positive piece—it just hasn’t been written. Here we go!

January 26 (a Saturday) I went to another psychic fair like the one I participated in in October. If you don’t remember or know how that one worked out you should read my post about it and how dejected I was feeling afterwards. I had a mixture of hope and fear for this second fair because I had hope with there being be fewer readers possibly helping me attract more clients tempered by remembering just how badly I felt the first one went. I had already paid for my table at the fair and, since I was more familiar with other people working the fair this time, I went and figured it would simply be another learning experience. It was a learning experience for sure! I had double the amount of paying customers I had the first time which was nice even though it was only four. But I feel as though the clients were the lesson versus the whole event.

My first Querent was kind of a drag honestly, and a terrible way to start the day. She paid me for the reading and proceeded to sit across the table from me with her arms crossed and her lips zipped. I do not claim to be anything I don’t feel I am because I hate the idea of overpromising and underdelivering which means I usually start a reading with a bit of a spiel cum disclaimer where I say I am not a medium or a mind reader, and that I like to have a discussion with the people I’m reading for so I can give more relevant information. She wanted to tell me nothing and just see what I was able to come up with. I can tell you I came up with very little. I felt as though I was throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something would stick. It didn’t feel great and I was even thinking about giving her a refund because she said nothing was resonating with her. I wrapped up the reading and as I was about to offer her her money back she said “I don’t believe in this anyway.” In that moment I decided not to refund her because she received what she had paid for. I don’t ask for the people I read for to take what the cards or I say as gospel, but I do expect them to come with an open mind and be receptive to the energy going into the reading even if I’m totally wrong. I will admit when I’m wrong or if I’m not feeling what I’m seeing; I will do another spread if they want or if I feel it’s necessary. But to come in with no intention of being open to what could be conveyed is disappointing and actually makes me kind of angry because you’re wasting your time and even if you have paid me I feel it’s a waste of my time. I won’t lie, when she left my table I felt very upset and probably angry (I have trouble processing the feeling of anger).

I sat with my emotions for a little while until the gentleman who was working the table across from mine came over. He was so nice and encouraging. He said he had overheard much of my reading with the first lady and I hadn’t done anything wrong. I really appreciated his words and he paid for a reading that was more on point than the previous one.

One of the best readings I think I’ve ever done was the next reading I performed. My client was a woman who I think was about my age and it was a super positive reading where even the cards that were more negative made sense. The final card I drew in the reading was The Star which made me smile because she was so sweet and it was nice to end the reading on a positive note.

My final reading was not as positive, but she came with a heavy heart and I think I gave her some good insights. The reading was over the 15-20 minute guideline given, I just really wanted to help her. At the end of the reading she cried so I feel like it was a good one.

While I was at the fair I met a couple of women who wanted someone to come read at a party on Super Bowl Sunday. I don’t care about football so I gave them a price for 4-5 half hour readings and said I would love to be a part of their festivities. I heard from them pretty quickly and they decided to book me!

The whole experience on Sunday was amazing! I had a great time doing the readings and they fed me some delicious things. I did spend more time there than I had anticipated which I think is because I still don’t value myself and my time as being worth much. I do not regret it, though, because they were lovely.

My biggest disappointment was with myself because I feel after I ate dinner I didn’t give myself any time to centre myself and refocus my energy. The two readings I performed after eating went fine, but I had to do them both twice. I wasn’t connecting with what the cards were trying to tell me. Both ladies were fine with it and very patient with me, I just feel bad and unprofessional.

There you have it, the post I kept putting off writing. If you can figure out what was blocking me from putting it into words you can have a cookie.

Peace and balance,

Erin