EsotericErin

Author: EsotericErin

  • Reading for the Week

    Recently I’ve been having trouble connecting to things (people, activities, even possessions), but I need to start trying to connect with things that once brought me happiness or might bring me future happiness. I’m hoping by returning to the act of reading tarot cards I will rediscover the joy they used to bring me.
    Today I cast some cards for the week ahead of me. The very first thing I notice is the number of sevens in this spread—3 of 5 in the deck show up here—which makes me wonder if this could be a week where I assess, and perhaps re-calibrate, my spirituality. I feel like three sevens are meaningful in a spread devoted to the seven days of the week.
    Sunday: VII The Chariot
    Monday: 7 of Wands
    Tuesday: IX The Hermit, Reversed
    Wednesday: 9 of Pentacles
    Thursday: 2 of Wands, Reversed
    Friday: XIX The Sun, Reversed
    Saturday: 7 of Pentacles, Reversed
    Sunday’s Forecast: My first seven of the spread and it’s the Major Arcana seven; to me, this is a very good start for the week! The astrological affiliation of The Chariot is Cancer, and, if you’ve read anything else on here, you probably know my birthday is on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer. I feel very drawn to this card today and I think it’s because I’ve been withdrawing from life because I’ve been feeling unsafe in some aspects of my life lately. Crabs withdraw into their shells when they’re threatened and that’s what I’ve been doing, however The Chariot makes me think of coming home where I feel protected, but can do things that empower me. I hope Sunday brings me the knowledge that I am safe and can do what I need to do in order to repair myself.
    Monday’s Forecast: The 7 of Wands as Monday’s card makes me dread Monday a little more than I usually dread Mondays. I go to work Monday afternoon which means my daughter goes to daycare, and both of those scenarios make me more than a little nervous. Our daycare provider is lovely! I’m so glad we found her, but I feel like I’m constantly doing things that inconvenience her. I doubt there are many people who enjoy upsetting people, but it physically affects me—I get headaches, stomachaches, I am constantly close to tears, etc. I think I’m scared that one day I will push her past her tolerance with me, and then I won’t have a daycare provider, and that will lead to my not being able to go to work, and I’ll be fired. See? That’s how my mind spins out. Although, I’m not sure being fired would be the worst thing to happen to me now that I think about it. I like my job, I just find it stressful and I’m not certain how stressful a part-time job should be, you know? Anyway, the 7 of Wands makes me wonder if Monday will be a day where I butt heads with someone and I will be unprepared for it. It’s interesting to me that I’m looking at the figure’s mismatched shoes because I work at a shoe store. Hopefully I won’t end up giving someone two totally wrong shoes!
    Tuesday’s Forecast: I drew The Hermit, Reversed, for Tuesday. Maybe I should invite someone over to the house? I like The Hermit in its Upright and Reversed positions for very different reasons. Upright it’s nice to get in touch with your spirituality, but Reversed makes me think of putting yourself out there and forging relationships with other people. It builds on the message of The Chariot in that I can feel safe to get out there and be social while knowing I have somewhere secure to go back to when my energy is spent.
    Wednesday’s Forecast: The second 9 of the spread—the 9 of Pentacles. Personally, I love this card and rejoice when it comes up for me because it gives me this impression of an independent woman who can tend to her garden and her hawk and still take care of herself. I don’t think of myself as a particularly independent person. I often rely on others for help and I would rather not taking a leading role much of the time. It’s based in fear again, I know it. If I put my all into something and it fails somehow, I feel like I have failed as a person. I would like for Wednesday to bring me more confidence in myself and my actions so when I go back to work on Thursday I’m not a frightened mass of pudding.
    Thursday’s Forecast: The 2 of Wands is the card I drew for Thursday. This is another card I like, but I think I like it better Reversed in this spread. I feel as though in the Upright position it’s about waiting for something and I’m tired of feeling like I’m waiting for something. I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore—is it approval? I know worrying about the future robs you of your present, and I’m always worrying about what could/will happen. However, with the Reversed appearance, I think about not waiting any longer. It makes me think things are happening, not just being anticipated. Hopefully what happens is good. *Edit to add: I’m reading about the 2 of Wands right now and rethinking my interpretation. I seem to have mixed up the Upright and Reversed meanings in my head. Which is fine–the cards can be interpreted however they strike you–I’m just wondering what it would look like if I had read the card as a delay in plans. Perhaps it would look more like going into work on Thursday and continuing to feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Not the most positive of interpretations, but maybe a more realistic one…*
    Friday’s Forecast: Another card in its Reversed position for Friday. The Sun, Reversed, has me thinking about The Moon if you can believe it. Sometimes when interpreting Reversed cards, it can be helpful to return to the lesson of the previous card which, in this case, is XVIII The Moon. I looked up what the lunar phase will be in my area on Friday and it’s the New Moon which is a perfect time to start something new and raise attractive energy. Maybe I should start something I’ve been putting off for a while. I always have high hopes for starting something new, but I usually end up putting ridiculous restrictions around it and missing the opportunity because it (or I) didn’t live up to expectations.
    Saturday’s Forecast: Here we have my final seven. The 7 of Pentacles, Reversed, is kind of a hard card for me to interpret. Often, I find myself unable to translate the expression on the gardener’s face. Is he bored? Or tired of working so hard? Or maybe he’s just standing back and allowing his crop to grow? I don’t know. If we go by a numerological interpretation of the number seven, he seems to be assessing what he has put his energy in to. But is he giving himself a passing grade or a failing one? Some keywords I have found for this card include shortsightedness and success that is limited. What kind of success am I looking for right now? If I start something Friday, of course my success will be limited… Hmmm… I’m noticing the mountains in the background of the card, maybe the success I’m looking for on Saturday will be limited because I still have the mountains to scale. Perseverance will be something to cultivate. Perseverance is not always my strong suit, but it would be good to learn.
    Looks like I have a dramatic week ahead of me (aren’t they all with me, though?), but if I remember that I am safe I can work through obstacles that come up even if the payout isn’t immediate.
    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Late Night Catharsis

    I’ve been absent and there’s no excuse. I’m probably harder on myself than you could be so just know I am giving myself a lot of grief over my not posting. This website was supposed to be a labour of love because I love tarot, I love astrology, and I love writing. One would think combining many of my loves would make me more dedicated. Joke’s on me?

    I have been studying tarot and other occult schools for over half my life. I was actually at a psychic fair this weekend where people asked me how long I had been studying the tarot. It is easily 15 years, but probably closer to 17. It made me think about how dedicated I am to this vocation if I have only just now decided to take payment for my skills. I want to put my all into it, but (as usual) I’m scared. I like reading online, by email, because it gives me time to collect my thoughts and be as confident as possible in the information I’m giving. In person, however, I start suffering from pressure of speech. I want to share my knowledge, but I’m terrified it’s not going to be good enough for the client.

    Insecurity is no stranger to me. I can’t think of many times when I have felt worthy or even just good enough. I feel as though I have to prove myself to every single person I meet. It’s important to me that people approve of me. One of the readings I did this weekend started off as a 3-card mini spread and ended up being six cards! And it was not because of the client; this was all me, me trying to show them I was worthy of their money.

    Another client I read for had me feeling super guilty about taking their money. I don’t think it was deliberate, but when they asked if all I was going to pull were the four cards I had placed on the table, I had to say yes. That interaction ate at me for a few hours.

    The pressure I feel to do all the talking in a reading is likely a common one. I want to have a conversation with the client, but I feel it’s not always what they want. Another issue I have is that I don’t consider myself “psychic”. I try to use my intuition, but I don’t see myself as someone who talks to the dead, or can read minds, or whatever else you think constitutes being psychic. I feel I’m intuitive when I work at it, but often in the heat of the moment I find myself with an empty head and shallow breathing.

    I know that is something I must work on if this is something I truly want to pursue, it’s just hard for me. I feel like the society in which I grew up tries to divorce us from our intuition and encourages us to look at rational facts, but there has to be something to a blend of those. I bought a gift for someone this past week, someone I don’t know well, and I had no idea what colours to get it in. I just let my intuition guide me and it turned out she loved it! It’s so different, though, when I’m in a store and there’s no real pressure than when I’m faced with a paying customer who wants you to show off your knowledge.

    I think I need to start meditating. I’ve been saying that for years, but I think it’s really hitting home now. I need to learn how to ground myself so I don’t end up with my deer in headlights attitude when someone sits down in front of me for a reading. I have so little Earth in my chart it doesn’t surprise me grounding is important. Ask just about anyone who knows me and they would not say I’m down-to-earth. Practicality? Not my strong suit. Emotions, though, and quick thinking? I have those down.

    I’m not saying there are certain elements in a natal (or any astrological) chart that are more or less favourable, I’m just saying I need more balance. That’s why I sign off with “peace and balance”. I wish those for everyone—including myself.

    This post is getting a little long and I’m sorry, but it’s proving to be cathartic for me.

    I started a new job a couple of weeks ago because while I love my daughter more than almost anything or anyone in the world, I couldn’t hack it as a stay-at-home mother. It was one thing when my husband was on parental leave and we could have conversations to take the edge off of looking after a tiny human all day every day, but when he went back to work, I had difficulty not going stir crazy by myself. So, I found myself a part time job at a shoe store.

    The shoe store itself is great! I really like the people I work with and I love shoes. The biggest problem I think is its location. It’s in a mall and right across the hall from a New Age-y shop. There aren’t a lot of New Age stores here so I am drawn into this one by necessity and proximity. The employees there are very nice and fairly knowledgeable, but it’s in a mall so along with the New Age-y stuff you have Disney merchandise and novelty aprons. I saw a tarot deck there I’m interested in but surely do not need.

    I’ve been thinking more about my meditation problem (is laziness a problem or character flaw?) as I’ve continued to write, and I really think it would help calm my mind if I were to use it even in a loud, crowded room. This weekend at the psychic fair it was so loud in the room I could barely think. I have no doubt it impacted my ability to do a reading. I’m not complaining, just stating a fact. I know at the last event I did found me in a room by myself reading to one persons at a time and not bothered by extraneous noise. I can’t always have a perfect environment so I have to make the environment.

    The organizer of the fair suggested for the next time I might want to bring something to sell. I don’t know what that would be, but I have until March to figure it out. Maybe tarot card talismans? I’m not craftsy (I know that is not a word, but crafty isn’t the right word), but I could start working on finding something now and perfect it before March…

    I think it’s time to call this post done.

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • 7 Card Spread

    I did a seven card spread last night because I’m trying to find my passions and strengths. I’ve been feeling blocked these past few weeks, but I hope getting back into things will reignite my spark. I deliberately did not use any Reversed cards in this spread.

    1. How am I tenacious: XV The Devil
    2. How am I dangerous: 7 of Cups
    3. What helps me find graciousness: 8 of Cups
    4. How am I gallant: VII The Chariot
    5. What makes me a survivor: The World
    6. What tears me apart: V The Hierophant
    7. What endures: I The Magician

    I notice there are a lot of Major Arcana cards in this spread which makes sense to me because I need to find my passion for things again in order to make my life feel more complete.

    My tenacity comes from The Devil which may feel immediately discouraging because who really wants to feel like The Devil. However, my interpretation in this spread is my bondedness is where my tenacity is rooted. I want to say something along the lines of “I make commitments, and I stick to them, and these are my bonds,” but this is not true. I think it’s more along the lines of being bonded to people and earthly pleasures. What makes me tenacious is I am free to be as flighty and airy in my pursuits as I want because of my attachment to the earthly plane. The 7 of Cups as my danger is totally appropriate tied in with The Devil—my mind goes off in so many directions it’s hard to know where to draw the line of what is possible for me to do and what is not. While I love being cerebral as well as imaginative, it can be dangerous to follow every whim, so it is wonderfully balanced by The Devil.

    The 8 of Cups helps me find graciousness while The Chariot feeds my gallantness. I almost wish these cards could be switched, but I have to take what I’ve been dealt. In the 8 of Cups, the figure is walking away from the goblets, and I think this resonates with me because sometimes I can be overbearing, and walking away from situations is the best option to maintain my graciousness. With The Chariot, my courteousness comes from my home and relationships. Cancer is the astrological affiliation of this card and I have an affinity for it because I’m on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer. I am able to be polite and well-mannered because my parents instilled those values in me, but also because I know I have support.

    The final three cards are all Major Arcana. I’m not surprised The Hierophant “tears me apart.” I see the Hierophant as the status quo and conforming, and I have never fit in well. Trying to meet others’ expectations whether real or perceived has done me real harm in my life, so this card is accurate. My world makes me a survivor. This is a theme that flows through the reading, no? My home, my family, what grounds me all help me survive. As for “what endures,” The Magician, is another accurate card. He is affiliated with Mercury, the ruler of Gemini. With Mercury in my corner, I know my love for learning and trying to understand will endure. I also note that in The World and The Magician cards both figures are holding wands which kind of unites them for me. To me, it shows that what “makes me a survivor” and “what endures” are linked.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Queen of Pentacles (Card of the Day)

    Yesterday’s card was the Queen of Pentacles. I’m using the RWS deck’s Queen of Pentacles for this write-up. I was going to say I like the suit of Pentacles, but I think it’s more accurate to say it holds some sort of fascination for me because it’s different from who I feel I am.

    In the RWS version of this card, there is a woman seated on a throne, holding a pentacle, in a grassy meadow with mountains in the background. I notice on the throne there is what appears to be a goat’s head carved into the armrest, and the sea-goat is the symbol of Capricorn which is the Cardinal Earth sign of the Zodiac. According to the system of decans (the division into thirds of each Zodiac sign), the Queen of Pentacles is associated with the last decan of Sagittarius and the first two decans of Capricorn.

    The Queen of Pentacles is Water of Earth because all Queens in the Tarot are associated with the element of Water and Pentacles is the suit associated with the element of Earth. Being Water of Earth, the Queen brings more emotion to the suit of regulation and stability. With this card it is important to allow your feelings and responsibilities to merge into your raison d’être—you don’t have to hate what you do.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Page of Wands (Card of the Day)

    The card I drew yesterday was the Page of Wands, but because I was using the Morgan-Greer Tarot, it’s called the Page of Rods. This card is Earth of Fire. All Pages are affiliated with Earth and Wands is the suit affiliated with Fire. Unlike other cards, Pages have no association with a Zodiac sign or planet.

    In this card, there is a young person, rather androgynous in appearance, standing in a desert with mountains in the background, holding a rod, and the sky is blue and cloudless. Because Fire is the opposite of Water, it’s hardly surprising there is a distinct lack of water in the picture. Wands is the suit of action and vigour, however, it can also mean acting without thinking, which can explain the lack of clouds in the sky.

    Pages are the youngest members of the Tarot court and can indicate beginnings of projects and being studious in order to prepare for later life. They are also seen as messengers bringing news related to their suit. To me, this means the Page of Wands brings news of innovation and action.

    In terms of people who could be represented by this card, I would say these are energetic people who study what they love and love what they study. They could, however, be overzealous and fond of taking risks. I also think there’s the danger of becoming hyperactive.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • 5 of Pentacles (Card of the Day)

    Yesterday’s card was the 5 of Pentacles. I’m always worried when this card comes up in readings I do for myself. This is probably because I crave security, money is a way many of us feel secure, and in many decks, the people shown look like they’re down on their luck.

    The Morgan-Greer Tarot 5 of Swords is the card I drew and in this card, there are two people who look like they’ve fallen on hard times in front of a stained glass window I believe is in a church. Something interesting about this Five is that the astrological affiliation this card has is with Taurus, the Fixed Earth sign, The Hierophant is numbered V in the Major Arcana, and The Hierophant is also affiliated with Taurus. I think this card would be a Taurean person’s worst nightmare—they are known for their love of comfort and finery—but I can see how this loss is associated with the sign.

    In Numerology, the number five is associated with unpredictability and inconstancy. While the four brought stability, the five brings strife and disruption. This card can be indicative of losing your possessions, your livelihood, even your home. I think, however, in this card, the people are ignoring the church (another link to the Hierophant) behind them. They could reach out for help, but they are disregarding that.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • 4 of Swords (Card of the Day)

    Yesterday’s card was the 4 of Swords. This is another card I have difficulty with, but for this one, I’m not sure why. Maybe hashing it out in this post will help. I’m using the Morgan-Greer Tarot for those who look up the cards I’m writing about.

    This card in the Morgan-Greer Tarot depicts a knight sleeping under four swords and there are clouds outside. The 4 of Swords is affiliated with the Cardinal Air sign of the Zodiac, Libra, so the clouds (often a pictorial representation of Air) make sense to me. It looks like the clouds are soft and almost misty which I interpret as the thoughts being dealt with are formless, but because the swords are pointing straight down at the knight, I feel like it’s just general anxieties plaguing the person. I know this card is often seen as a period of rest, but in this depiction, with the swords pointing directly at the knight, I just don’t get the vibe this is a peaceful card.

    Four is seen as a stable, organized number, but it can also represent stagnation. In this iteration of the 4 of Swords, I see the inertia of anxiety. You can feel anxious and be paralyzed by it, be afraid to do anything outside of the confines you place on yourself.

    So, I think I’ve figured out why this card doesn’t sit well with me. To many people, this card represents peace and tranquility between periods of action, but that interpretation simply doesn’t resonate with me. I’m a little surprised this write-up actually did help me work through my uneasiness with it.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • Ace of Cups (Card of the Day)

    The card I picked yesterday was the Ace of Cups. Aces have no affiliation with a Zodiac sign or planet, they are simply the primal energy of the element. In the case of the Ace of Cups, that is Water.

    Water is the element of emotions and One is the number of beginnings, so in this card, there is optimism that new emotions will be uplifting and bring joy. It doesn’t promise everything will be fine forever, but it shows the start is smooth. I love this card because it gives me hope for love and relationships, and also because it just looks like a happy card to me. I looked at the Morgan-Greer Tarot’s Ace of Cups and it is very lighthearted. There’s a flower, and a dove behind the chalice and the cup is overflowing with light blue water.

    To me, the dove symbolizes peace and the colour of the water reinforces that thought. The emotions being dealt with may be big and almost overwhelming, but they’re positive and life-changing. I am not a botanist and cannot tell lilac from hyacinth, but my gut feeling that this is a lotus is backed up by some research. The lotus is a symbol of purity of body, mind, and speech, and I feel this speaks to the emotions involved in the situation to which this card is relating.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • 6 of Pentacles (Card of the Day)

    Yesterday’s card was the 6 of Pentacles. Another card affiliated with a Fixed sign; I think I need to take it to heart, but it’s difficult for me. I’m going to use the Morgan-Greer Tarot for this write-up.

    The 6 of Pentacles is a card of sharing the wealth. In this deck, there is only one person’s face shown, but there are hands reaching out for the coin in his hand. There is a set of scales in this card, like the Justice card, and I think it is to symbolize impartiality in the distribution of the wealth. Six is the number of balance and harmony within flux. How better to display balance than scales?

    Pentacles is the suit of Earth, the element of stability. Taurus is the Fixed sign of Earth (Virgo being the Mutable and Capricorn the Cardinal), and I have to admit I like the sign of Taurus. I know I said that about Leo, too, and did not say it about Aquarius. My affinity for these signs is interesting to me because Taurus and Leo are the Earth and Fire signs of the Fixed quality while I identify as Mutable Air (Gemini) and Cardinal Water (Cancer), and I see the former two signs as opposites to the signs into which I categorize myself. Maybe I admire those qualities I do not see in myself.

    I can see how the 6 of Pentacles is affiliated with Taurus because Taureans are practical and understanding of how lasting success takes time. I’m sure it’s easier to amass wealth you can confer on others when you are prepared to make a prolonged effort in accruing it. It is a warning to not be too discriminating in who you believe is deserving of your assistance, though.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin

  • The High Priestess (Card of the Day)

    The High Priestess was yesterday’s card. I’ve spoken already about how I aspire to be more like this card, but this post will be all about The High Priestess card chosen from the Robin Wood Tarot. I love this deck—it was my go-to deck for the longest time—however, I have found myself gravitating away from it which isn’t a bad thing, people grow and evolve.

    In the card from the Robin Wood Tarot, the High Priestess is a young woman with flowing black hair skyclad (naked), but covered with a robe, at night, and holding a crystal ball in her right hand and a book in her left. I notice the crescent Moon headband because the High Priestess is seen as the Crone (remember the Triple Goddess mentioned in The Empress?) which is associated with the waning Moon. It’s interesting to note the Moon in the night sky in this card is a full Moon (associated with the Mother). Also in this picture are two trees, one black and one white, instead of the pillars that are in many other iterations of this card.

    The High Priestess is numbered two in the Major Arcana, the number of duality, but there are combination and understanding of differences rather than competition in this card. She knows the light and the dark (darkness is not evil), masculine and feminine, activity and passivity, and she can reconcile them. I like that the full Moon in the sky is partially covered by a cloud because it shows the mystique she has within her is not always on display.

    This card is astrologically associated with the Moon. The Moon is regarded as a planet in Astrology even though it is a luminary, and it is considered a luminary even though it does not give off light. Astrology makes sense like that… It makes even more sense when you realize that The Moon card in the Major Arcana is associated with the sign of Pisces, but I digress. I, personally, really relate to the Moon (probably because I’m on the cusp of Cancer which is ruled by the Moon). This luminary is closely associated with emotions and behavior (see the etymology of lunatic). There are people who will swear there are more “weirdos” out and about during the full Moon, and the menstrual cycle is, on average, 28 days just like the lunar cycle.

     

    Peace and balance,

    Erin