Happy Thursday!
I admit it, I’ve been absent. There’s a part in “Harry Potter” where Dumbledore asks Harry if he ever feels as though he has too many thoughts in his head and Harry doesn’t understand. I don’t understand how Harry doesn’t understand. It feels like there are constantly too many thoughts, or feelings, or possibilities running through my mind. I don’t like using the word normal because it’s an adjective that feels too vague and too narrow at the same time. Who defines normal? Is normal subjective? What word should I use instead, though? So, to me, feeling like I have too much going on in my head is how I usually feel and I guess I’ve never given the concept of not dealing with that much thought because I didn’t realise it’s something people experience. When I feel this way it’s very easy for me to withdraw into myself and dwell on things that aren’t the way I would like them to be. Sometimes, too, I find focussing on one thing (that may not actually be as pressing as other items) is an act of avoidance in itself.
Another big issue of mine is that I don’t trust myself. This has been one of my biggest hurdles in my esoteric studies because so much of reading tarot is trusting your intuition. For so long I relied on books about tarot that were filled with the meanings of the cards according to the author. The problem with that approach was these interpretations were based on others’ experiences with the cards. While there are certain elements that remain consistent (or at least similar) across decks and it can be helpful to understand why those images were used in the first place, no one lives the exact same life in the exact same way.
I’ve previously posted about the 4 of Swords—to many people this card indicates a rest, but when I pull this card from some decks I feel almost a false sense of security. This interpretation for myself comes from my distaste for being left alone with my thoughts. Swords is the Air suit so it pertains to the mental realm. When I’m by myself, my mind races which is why I’m usually doing something to keep myself occupied. Even as I write this, I have the television on in the background.
My birthday was about 3 weeks ago. I love the date of my birthday if that makes any sense. June 21st is often recognised as the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year and the one with the most hours of daylight. This puts me directly on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer (Mutable Air and Cardinal Water) and, while I know there’s more to a natal chart than just a Sun sign, I feel I have traits of both. If you were to draw up a natal chart for my date/time/place of birth, it would tell you I’m a Gemini because the transit of the Sun from Gemini into Cancer had not yet occurred, but I really feel like both.
Where I’m going with this talk about Sun signs is my feelings about the suit of Swords; sometimes it’s as though I’m almost afraid of them. When I think about the pictures on the Rider Smith Waite deck (arguably the most famous deck and template for myriad others), there are only two or three cards, excluding the Court cards, I don’t feel anxious drawing. The two definite ones are the Ace and 6 while the 4 is one I’m still trying to come to terms with for my own sake. The Ace of Swords speaks to me of the potential of a new idea before putting it into action on the material plane—you’re hopeful and you don’t have to worry about annoying little things like the laws of physics or financial logistics. On the other hand, when I see the 6, I feel the alleviation of burdens—moving from choppy waters into smooth sailing.
We all have different takes on what we see in the cards shaped by life events. I’ve heard a number of people have difficulties with The Hierophant because not everyone has positive associations with organised religion or other institutions. Others who have strong feelings about government or, in the broader sense, the patriarchy may take exception to The Emperor because it can often symbolise authority figures who may traditionally have been male.
Having a mental connection to a card that is unique to me isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s what will make a reading with me different from a reading with anyone else. I simply worry that the relationship I have with a card or specific image may impact the message I’m interpreting for someone. That’s when I get the Querent to tell me what they see or feel when looking at the card.
Just in case I don’t post again before Saturday, I will be at an event in Tweed, Ontario, that day with a number of other readers, artisans, and vendors. If you’re in the area you should drop by!
Peace and balance,
Erin
EsotericErin 