I’m sitting here with my tarot deck and trying (not for the first time and probably not for the last time) to determine which Major Arcana card I identify with. So many books ask you to pick a card that you feel connected to. My problem is that there are too many and not enough that speak to who I am.
If I’m honest with myself, I want to be the High Priestess card. I want to be connected to the mysterious and mystical. I feel that while she has balanced the light and the dark of life, she dabbles with the dark and has power there. (Disclaimer: I do not mean dark as in evil. Dark here is just the shadow side, the mysterious, the hidden.) I wish I could tap into that some days and know what she knows. Sometimes I think to identify more with the High Priestess I need more practice with my tarot cards more knowledge of astrology, but then I think about it and I consider that maybe she doesn’t have all the answers in her mind all the time. Maybe she knows what she knows but also relies on her intuition to take that knowledge even further.
While it’s comforting to think I don’t need to pack my brain with every piece of information I come across, I worry that my intuition isn’t strong enough. Am I overcompensating for weak intuition with knowledge? Those are the times when I don’t feel like I identify with the High Priestess.
The other card I would like to be like is the Empress. She seems to have it all. She’s beautiful, with child, and full of potential for good. I know it might sound selfish, and childish, and shallow, but those are things I want. I want to be radiant on the outside and inside, I want a child, and I want to put myself in a position where I can have what I want and know it will be good. My negative self-talk comes up here and tells me I’ll never have those things, I’ll never be good enough for those things, and then I know I’m not in the right place in my mind or life to be aligning myself with the Empress.
What I’ve been feeling today is my connection to the Star card. I like the Star card for many reasons. In the deck I’m looking at right now, she’s naked which to me shows her openness to being who she is; she doesn’t have to cover or hide herself. She has one foot in the water, but the rest of her body is on the land and I like to think (in my comparison to myself) that she knows she has the ability to completely immerse herself in the water-like emotions she experiences, but tries to keep a balance between her life on land and the potentially turbulent situations she would face in the water. Finally, the bird shows me that I am being watched out for by some higher power no matter how alone I feel.
I know, not all of my interpretations are by-the-book definitions of what the cards mean, but everyone who teaches tarot tells you to go with what you feel about the card in that moment and I’m working on doing that for myself.
Peace and balance,
Erin
EsotericErin 