EsotericErin is getting a bit of a refresh. If you haven’t been here in a bit (first of all, welcome to the club), I hope you will be delightfully surprised. If you haven’t been here before, the website always looked this good, but you can make up for lost time right now!
My goal in scrapping previously posted blog entries is to make this website truer to myself and the image I want to stamp on my services. I feel like so many of my earlier posts were impersonal; it’s curious to me how sterile I managed to make my vulnerability. While the kernel of how I see or saw individual cards was genuine, the pieces of writing I produced seem too detached from my feelings and warmth.
I know right now we’re all going through a frightening time, and I’d hate to look back on this and regret not being authentic to myself. Sincerity is what I want to bring to the table, and where better to start than here?
Initially, EsotericErin was for me to grow my knowledge of tarot, astrology, and more. I’ve recently realized that if I were to have my way, I’d be forever dragging my feet without committing to a path. Not only would I be reluctant to declare myself as a Tarot Reader to others’ eyes for fear of being judged “not enough,” but I would also be depriving myself of owning my intuition.
This is the first picture I associated with the idea of EsotericErin. The blog had begun about 18 months prior, but this was my baby step to what I saw as professionalism. By just looking at this image now, I feel it was a facade, my way of personifying what I thought other people were expecting. The problem is that it’s not exactly true to who I am or the image to which I want to be faithful.
Maybe the person depicted here is who people immediately associate with a professional tarot reader, but when I examine the picture, I know I’m hiding in it. I’m hiding behind a filter to lighten my ruddy complexion, hiding my personalized clothing by sticking with a safe black blouse, and hiding my eyes—the windows to the soul.
I’m not passing judgement on this picture, or the Erin who orchestrated this picture. It’s okay to make a misstep, it’s okay to continue looking for something you’re unable to define, and it’s okay to realign yourself to what you feel is your most authentic self. No one can be expected to be the identical person at the end of a lifetime they were at the beginning of that lifetime. When I was a child, I had to have my nightlight at bedtime, but now I need blackout curtains and a mask to keep out light while I sleep.
While my example of feeling like I chose the wrong picture for my website may seem trivial compared to other mistakes, I genuinely believe there is a learning experience to be had from many mistakes. Acknowledging an error and being willing even to try to rectify it, is commendable. Anyone expecting constant infallibility from anyone else does everyone a disservice.
When prompted to explain why I want to read tarot for people, my most sincere answer is “I want people to feel better”. I may sound naive, but I don’t think I am. There are no quick fixes in the Universe worth the breath used to share them, I know that; however, I try to avoid absolutes in my interpretations of the cards because nothing I see is 100% going to come to pass. You’ve made mistakes and you’re going to make mistakes in the future. I want to help you make better mistakes.